How To Have The Lousiest Birthday Vacation Ever

1. Don’t travel to some beautiful exotic location in the Caribbean with your girls; especially not the warm friendly island of Tobago.

2. Don’t book your stay at a beachfront resort like Magdalena Grand Resort where every room has a view of the bay.

3. Whatever you do, avoid getting up to watch the sunrise. Nature is for suckers, right?

4. Put the thought of going on a hike through the rainforest completely out of your mind.

And don’t even think about looking for rare hummingbirds with Junior Thomas, one of the most knowledgeable guides on the island.

5. Lunch at Jemma’s Seaside View Treehouse is out of the question and don’t you dare order the breadfruit pie. No! Just, no!

6. Absolutely no swimming in waterfalls.  All the nopes!

7. To guarantee a super lousy birthday vacation, don’t take a chartered boat out for a morning of snorkeling on your birthday.

And make sure you avoid the crystal clear Nylon Pool at all cost.

8. An afternoon of relaxing and toasting to your birthday with free drinks from complete strangers at Pigeon Point Beach is not recommended to make sure your birthday really sucks.

9. If you really want a horrible birthday, do not spend your birthday evening being picked up at the beach by boat and catered to by your boat captain and his family from Buccoo Village at a beachside birthday barbecue at No Man’s Land beach.  Trust me…it will seriously make you way too happy dancing until the sun sets. So happy in fact that you won’t have decent pictures to share on the interwebs.  Why? Well because you don’t need to see everything, nosy! Ok really because rum….lots of rum.

10. And you most certainly shouldn’t let them sing happy birthday to you floating along in a boat on the Caribbean Sea under a full moon eating chocolate brownies with your hands. Yeah…no pictures of that either.

*Bonus*: If someone offers you a fish basket of the freshest, breaded mahi mahi filets from the local late night snack spot, refuse it! Just say no to awesome fish and chips.

There, I’ve saved you. This was how I spent my 34th birthday in February this year and it was one of the most memorable birthdays ever! Now you know exactly what not to do to ensure you have the lousiest birthday vacation ever. You’re welcome.

Lauren G. , Outdoorsy Diva™
“Adventure is a lifestyle.”